moving from sea to land dancing

I'm so stoked stoked stoked.

I thought T Mobile rejected my application, even though my credit is awesome. BUT I GOT A BILL FROM THEM YETTADAY AWWWWWYEAH.

I no longer need to search and scavenge to get my life expenses situated; it was the last thing I had to take care of.

- new birth certificate is on it's way
- totes makin' my car and insurance payments on time (barely, but IT'S ON TIME)
- sangle and makin' lotsa friends
- finally bought my first skateboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I don't even care that I'm writing like a complete fourteen year old right now I'm just happy as shit and I'm going to finish my FAFSA and get some genz did at SLCC

My life ain't as cool as your life

A few weeks ago, I was supposed to travel to San Antonio with that funny love of mine. We were going to go on hikes, go to the beach and Sea World, watch some white raccoons catch bats at an old cave and actively worship the gods commonly referred to as Minus the Bear at Rocklobster Fest.

Instead:
- Get kicked out
- Move thrice
- Found car insurance, but not soon enough
- Rejected by T Mobile (which I really don't understand)
- Single-ized
- Tattooed a Nintendo 64 paddle to my arm
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I think it's safe to say I don't know what the fuck I am doing.

In the last five years, I have spent a combined total of one year single. I always get so caught up in the significance of the other after some time, and lose myself. Whoever that is. It's not that I need to be with anybody, I'm just impulsive. When I find somebody I like, and the opportunity arises, I jump.

I haven't really been with many people, though. Just three.

Ramble ramble ramble

That was the best relationship ever though.

I need to post this.

Even though it is unfinished. I got online to work on it some more, but I'm definitely having writer's block up the ass. Feedback always gets my gears going. It will be finished at some point though, I will promise that. much.

Love is probably the only four-lettered word that I use that does not have negative connotations or induce hands-over-ears actions from mothers.

It is probably my favorite word.

I love love more than shit, damn, hell, fuck, what, butt, shoe, fart, or poop.
(Poop comes in close second though.)

It is so universal! There is a type that applies to everyone, in any situation - young, old, black, white, Asian, Puerto Rican, sinner, saint, from the head of MENSA to Paris Hilton. We all experience it. Love, I mean, not poop.

Love can be entirely pure or a structure-shaking secret. Love can be on a stage for all to see or a private enjoyment of one's self. Love can be emotional, physical, or both. It often drives us mental. Between two men, two women, one of each, or a ratio of twelve to one, love knows no boundaries. Love is water, flexible enough to fit in any strange shape, filling our voids -large or small- and satisfying our thirst . It is necessary to live.

Imagine you are walking through the Sahara alone, and you have a canteen that keeps itself full as long as you are not only aware of, but also grateful for it's great and magical attribute.

After so long, you come across another person who also has a self-sustaining canteen. They are attractive and you would like to get to know them more, and ask them to join you on your journey although neither of you know how you got there, or where you're going. They agree, because they are headed the same way and, well, traveling through the desert with someone sounds so much nicer than going through alone. You have come to find that this person is quite enjoyable. Good-looking, entertaining, smart, sometimes irritable but, hey - you're traveling through a vast desert. Who wouldn't be irritable?

You often share your water with them even though they have their own. Yours has a certain taste, different than any other type of water in the world. They enjoy it, and share their one-of-a-kind water with you. As this give and take goes on, you are happy to have this different water in your life. Different and sweeter than you could give yourself.

Existentialism

keeps me up all night. Every night.

I live at home with my creators and their three new and improved versions of me.
PSYCHE, they totally got it right the first time.

Self-aggrandizing aside, my day was relaxing. I surprisingly did not spend it talking about work, thinking about work, texting co-workers about work and what was accomplished and for any updates for once... It was nice. I enjoyed today instead of preparing for tomorrow, when I do head back to "le ol' grind".

I'm just going to leave it at that rather than a paragraph or eight of things that bother me and plague my mind. Instead, let us turn the time over to a survey. (One thing I really miss about MySpace that Facebook doesn't really offer.) They're revealing to the reader (obviously) and sometimes to the filler (I like questions that I may not have thought of on my own.) Let'sa go!

How do you flush the toilet in public?

If it isn't automatic, I use my foot. I was actually thinking about this today at the park. I don't know why I do that, because I'm going to wash my hands anyway, but I do. I think I forget to flush a lot lately.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Yeah. The times that I'm feeling too lazy to simply swipe it across myself, my mind goes nuts and fills with images of horrible accidents and those "the one time I don't wear my seat belt will be the one time I get in a wreck" thoughts.

Do you have a crush on someone?
A bone crusher.

Name one thing you worry about running out of?
Money. Shampoo and conditioner. I hate when I'm out.

What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
Dakota Fanning, Cameron Diaz and the woman who played Shoshanna in Quentin Tarantino's rendition of Inglorious Basterds.

What is your favorite pizza topping?
Cheese, cheese, cheese... oh, and more cheese.

Do you crack your knuckles?
Again, was thinking about this today. I never did, however all of my friends would and would always want to crack mine for me. I'd never let them (what's the point??). One day in guitar class, my friend Shaydn asked to see my hand. Without thinking, I let her look while I listened to the teacher talk. Next thing I know, I have to pop my knuckles constantly, and usually without satisfying the 'need'.

What song do you hate the most?
There are so many. SO MANY! I hate a lot of today's 'rap' or 'hip hop'. The lyrics are atrocious.  I don't mind the vulgarity, but at least speak using some proper English context. Especially Li'l Wayne. Ooh, or that stupid song 'I'm Awesome'.

Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
Trying to not let it happen.

Peppermint or spearmint?

Spearmint.

Where are your car keys?

At some dealership or home, waiting for me to own them.

What's your most annoying habit?

That's subjective; none of my habits annoy me, really. I think the thing I do that irritates others the most, would be coming down on poor English, or just being really blunt. A lot of people consider me a bitch. I don't care. (I think my lack of embarrassment bothers people a lot, too. Particularly friends.)

Where did you last go on vacation?

Disneyland day trip.

 

What is your best physical feature?

I like a lot of things about myself, honestly. I'd have to say a tie between my legs, my smile or my hair. 

 

 What CD is closest to you right now?

Sims 3 Ambitions.

 

 What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?

Shelves, lightbulbs and drawers.

 

 What superstition do you believe/practice?

 I guess religion could be considered a superstition.

 What color are your bed sheets?

White, with owls on them.

Would you rather be a fish or a bird?

Definitely a bird. I love 'em. I wanted to become and ornithologist when I was eight.

Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?

I don't drive.

 

What are your favorite sayings?

"There is no try. Only do or not do." It's awesome, because I've never seen Star Wars. I quote movies I've never seen -- a lot. I haven't seen a lot of movies, either.

 

What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?

Whatever is on my iPod at the time. Usually Minus the Bear.

 

What song(s) do you sing most often when driving?

Although never the one behind the wheel, most Journey or Backstreet Boys songs are sung when with friends.

 

If you could go back or forward in time,where would you go?

Onwaaaaaaard, ever onward...

What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?

Well,  remember how I said I haven't seen a lot of movies? I don't think I've ever seen a movie with him in it. 

 

What CD is in your stereo?

It's in another room, and I don't really know what's in it. I am 98% sure that a Jingle Cats Christmas CD is in there though.

What CD will be in your stereo in a few minutes?

Probably that same one.

 

How many kids do you plan on having?

Four sounds good. Not all at once though, mind you. 

 

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

My own butt.

 

What do you do when no one is watching?

Shower, and other personal things that nobody needs to see.

 

If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be you?

Myself. I would hope though, that they didn't make a movie out of it. I'm not a movie person.

 

Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?

Plane crash.

 

Coffee or Tea?

Neither, thank you.

Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?

All of them except for Enter Shikari, August  Burns Red and Matisyahu.

Have you ever been in love?

Yup.

 

Do you talk to yourself? 

Not often. I like to talk to my animals a lot, though.

That was pretty mind numbing, on both parts I'm sure.

I love details. The things that tend to go unnoticed. I love the world through youthful eyes; their thought-through, confused and simple explanations. So honest. I also love slowly creeping up behind them, and then making a booming "BLAHHHHGHRJOFJK!" and watching their jaws hit the floor as their body shudders. Nothing is funnier than that. Nothing.

ebbing and flowing

Today a girl came into my store and asked how much our shoes were. When I replied that it depends on the style and how well it's done (sales-wise), she reacted as if the heavens had been revealed to her.

"Wait, what?? You guys make more than just one shoe? Like... It's not just one Vans shoe?!"

I was worried she might pee all over the floor. I hate cleaning up after people pee in my place of work. (I've had it happen twice.)

I'm not going to lie, at the time I was dumbfounded that somebody really thought a company could last for fifty years, and soar above the competition at that, off of a single style of shoe. In retrospect, I'm glad that people can get so euphoric over such little things.

Despite my continual Facebook rampages about every little thing that I hate about people, there are a mass amount of things that make me happy. And despite my catch phrase of "I hate humanity" with variants such as "everything", "everyone" or "anything that breathes", I like to think of myself as a very understanding person. Not so much compassionate towards humans, it takes quite a situation to make me feel sympathetic, but understanding is definitely a strong point of mine. I get that things make us upset. I don't care if you got a paper cut, your dog killed itself, your house burned down or you broke a nail -- if you're upset, you're upset. If the sad encounters from your life were to happen in mine, I can't guarantee they would make me upset. Different lives, different personalities, different morals, point of views, priorities... I could go on forever. Emotions are the constant.  I am not the type of person to tell you that you can't tell a man you love him because you've only known him a few weeks, I will never tell you that what you're upset about is stupid and small or pointless, and I will never tell you that you're a pussy because you're freaked out your girlfriend was almost raped, even though she is totally fine with the situation. This is true with any emotion (I feel sadness is the most criticized, second maybe to love, thus it is 'exhibit a' in this... blog.)

I will tell you though, that life sucks every now and then, and to suck it up. Do everything you can to aid the situation, and let the rest work itself over. The bad times don't last forever. Sometimes it feels like it, and issues can drone on for months; years, even. You always have the choice to fade into the sorrow, or to hold your ground with a smile on your face. Always. Regardless of the situation. Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.


PS: There is nothing wrong with crying. It feels nice to sob your life to a friend through a phone and let that energy be released.


"I just wanted a make-up bag and a notebook!"

Well,

I'm not really sure how to go about this. Dive in naked and honest, I guess?

I don't know how there are so many blogs with intricate writing, a strong, moral lesson and an exciting story from each and every day. I often feel like I live the same life, day in and day out. Actually, I always feel that way. I feel as though I spend the good portions of my days, at work, earning money so that I can afford to do fun and interesting things with my friends and family. The irony is, I work so much that there is hardly time for any entertainment or adventure extending past the virtual world of Facebook, Bing, Wikipedia, YouTube, Tumblr and the new addition, Blogger. (I'm really branching out. When I first took this manager position, the little free time I had I spent solely on searching obscure parts of the world. One morning I spent learning about the different types of stinkhorn mushrooms -- in detail.)

My entire lifetime,I've dreaded turning eighteen. The American rite of "responsibility" (though many, well past this milestone, lack it). I hate the idea and necessity of credit. I hate literally everything about money. I hate that anyone and everyone, has to work to earn paper that allows them a certain amount of goods; be they as vital as water, shelter and food, to any and all materialistic wants. It dawned on me not long ago (no, really, like a few hours ago) that despite my Peter Pan complex, I started working the day after my sixteenth birthday. I had crappy jobs before then, too (custodial). I've given myself this strange ultimatum, only forced upon myself by myself, that I MUST have a job at all times. the longest I've been unemployed since then was a month and a half. I now work nearly full time although I have a family I can depend on for my needs. Talk about facing fear head on, right?

I must say I do regret not continuing my education. It's never too late, I plan to try as soon as I get a car (very stupid situation, being nearly twenty and having never had a mode of personal transportation). I'm thinking majoring in marketing, minoring in English, and going to art school. Or something. A routine job, without making an impact on the world (other than in the CEO's bank account) is hardly satisfying. Although I love it where I work, I don't want to spend my whole life making sure I lead my $7.50-an-hour team into an otherwise unrewarding working frenzy. It's cynical, really.

I may ramble, but that's part of my thought process.
Earlier, leaving the grocery store, from the time I walked through the automatic doors to the car (parking distance being what one would call a 'good spot') my mind had traveled, somehow, from R. Kelly to how strange it is that humans don't have tails. I'm not the only one to have that same thought, either; boyfriend confirms he has also.

Let's wrap up this burrito then?